Let's talk about the birds, the bees, and... the babies. Ah, parenthood! While it delivers the joys of cuddles and first smiles, it also brings a seismic shift to your once spicy romance department. Spoiler alert: Your sex life post-baby isn't extinct; it’s just evolving.

Becoming parents is akin to being thrust onto a rollercoaster where the loops are sleepless nights and the high speeds are nappy changes. Amidst the whirlwind, many couples find that their once vibrant sex life is now as unpredictable as their new sleep schedule. But it’s not all doom and gloom; it’s a phase of rediscovery and adjustment.

Research reveals that nearly 60% of new parents experience a significant drop in sexual activity post-baby. An Australian study by the Murdoch Children's Research Institute explores the dramatic decline in libido due to fatigue and stress, common amongst new parents. While the frequency of intimate encounters may dwindle, the opportunity to deepen emotional connections can increase.

Parenthood demands a new kind of teamwork. It's not just about who changes more nappies but about supporting each other through a major life transition. This shift, while challenging, can actually foster deeper intimacy. Couples who actively communicate and share the burdens of new parenthood often find their relationship resilience strengthening.

Sexual activity might take a backseat due to logistical challenges as well. Privacy becomes scarce, and timing becomes crucial. According to Dr. Laura Berman, an expert in relationships, “The key is to be flexible about your definition of sex. It doesn't have to be a marathon session after dark. Even brief, intimate moments can maintain that connection.” This might mean seizing the moment during the baby’s naptime or right before they wake in the morning.

The emotional landscape changes too. Hormonal fluctuations for both mothers and fathers can affect desire. For women, oestrogen and progesterone levels drop after childbirth, which can dampen libido. For men, studies suggest a decrease in testosterone levels when they become fathers, potentially reducing their sexual drive.

Moreover, body image issues postpartum can also play a significant role in a new mother’s sexual confidence. Relearning to love and appreciate the body that has gone through such significant changes is crucial. Encouragement from a partner can help rebuild this self-esteem.

However, it's important to find humour and joy in the new normal. Whether it’s laughing over unexpected interruptions or enjoying a quiet dinner after the baby sleeps, these moments can be as bonding as the physical intimacy once shared.

Intimacy isn’t just physical; it's also about staying emotionally connected. This might look like sharing thoughts and fears during late-night feedings or holding hands more often. Small gestures of affection can remind each other of the enduring partnership beyond parenting duties.

Navigating this new landscape requires patience, humour, and a lot of communication. Setting realistic expectations, maintaining open lines of dialogue about each partner's needs, and finding innovative ways to connect can help keep the relationship vibrant.

Here are 10 ways to keep communication open & intimacy alive. 

1. Communicate Openly: Share your feelings, desires, and fears with your partner.
2. Schedule Intimacy: Plan and prioritize time for just the two of you.
3. Adjust Expectations: Accept that your sex life may change and focus on quality over quantity.
4. Stay Physically Close: Hug, kiss, and cuddle to maintain a physical connection.
5. Help Each Other: Share baby and household responsibilities to reduce stress.
6. Prioritise Sleep: Rest when you can to keep fatigue from killing your libido.
7. Try New Things: Keep the relationship exciting by exploring new ways to be intimate.
8. Keep Dates: Regular date nights can help sustain your romantic relationship.
9. Be Patient: Give each other time to adjust to your new roles as parents.
10. Seek Professional Help: If struggles persist, consider consulting a couples therapist or counsellor.

While your sex life will indeed change after having a baby, it doesn’t have to dwindle into nonexistence. With a little creativity, empathy, and a lot of love, you can navigate this new chapter together, discovering an even stronger bond on the other side of parenthood.

(You can read more about the study conducted by the Murdoch Children's Research Institute in collaboration with Deakin University on how the parental bonding experience during teenage years affects later life as parents in the Archives of Women’s Mental Health. This research highlighted the importance of trust and affection from parents during adolescence in forming secure emotional connections with their own children later on. It particularly noted that over-controlling maternal behaviour could negatively impact mother-infant bonding).